Writing your own wedding vows: dos and don’ts!
Writing your wedding vows - don’t leave it until your wedding day!
Writing your own wedding vows is a great way to personalise your wedding ceremony, but it can seem a bit daunting at first! I’m seeing lots more couples wanting to speak directly to their partner, and make promises that reflect who they are and their relationship. Sometimes they find getting started a bit awkward, but really, it boils down to asking yourself what you love about your partner and what you want to promise them for your marriage.
With that in mind, I’ve put together some dos and don’ts to help your write your own wedding vows…
DO… consider what it is that you love most about your partner. Start by making a list of what you value about them, what you admire, any quirks. List what’s most important.
DON’T… leave this task to the last minute. You’ll do a much better job of writing your wedding vows if you allow yourself time to mull over what you’ve written while in the shower, tinker with your words at leisure and edit it down to be the best you can get it.
DO… keep it clean. Unless you’re having an elopement, remember your nan’s going to hear this. There’s a time and a place for smut - your best maid’s speech!
DON’T… be afraid to use humour though. Jokes + sincerity = a recipe for making your partner and audience cry with all the feels! An affectionate joke that contrasts against a more serious section will heighten the emotion of the occasion, increasing the impact of your sincere words.
DO… check with your partner that you’re both on the same page, vow-wise. If they’ve chosen to express their wedding vows through the medium of interpretive dance and you’ve made a list of serial killers you’re glad they don’t resemble, it’s not gonna work!
DON’T… be afraid to get someone to proofread your vows. A trusted friend can give you perspective on the whole shebang when you’ve been staring at it for too long. As a celebrant, I let my couples share their vows with me to check they are of a similar length and tone, so they can still have a surprise on their wedding day.
DO… include some actual promises… they’re called vows for a reason! Use this to reflect on what you think is important about marriage. How will you care for your partner? What will your role be, once you’re officially spoused? Consider including a mixture of serious and silly vows: ‘I promise to always support you and listen to you, I promise to bring you tea in bed!’
DON’T… get too carried away. Writing concisely helps you boil it down to those few essentials that you want to tell your partner: This is why I love you, this is how you make me feel, this is how I’ll look after you, this is why I’m excited about marrying you.
And finally… DO practice saying your vows out loud! Reading them aloud will help you feel confident when you say them, and ensure that even the person on the back row hears how much you love your spouse. It will also help you spot if any of your sentences are too long, and give you a chance to consider when to pause for breath or dramatic effect.
