Making your Humanist marriage legal
AKA booking your no frills registrar’s appointment!
Recently I’ve had several nearly-weds tearing their hair out with frustration, ‘How do I get through to the Register office what I want? Why do they keep insisting I need a big ceremony?’!!
It can be tricky to know what you’re asking for when booking a registrar. So I thought I’d put together a run down of the different things you should consider when booking your legal, registrar-led marriage ceremony.
Far be it from me to suggest that councils rather like the income they get from performing larger weddings, and so make it harder than it needs to be to access a simple legal wedding. However… they are legally obliged to offer a basic, no frills marriage, allowing you to save your pennies and excitement for your Humanist wedding ceremony.
So… what do you have to say to get your basic, legal wedding ceremony?
The magic words are ‘I’d like to arrange a marriage (or civil partnership ceremony) with just two witnesses, please.’
In York, these ceremony slots are available Monday - Thursday, and they cost £46. You can ask to keep the ceremony as simple as possible, just completing the necessary legal paperwork. This means that when you say your wedding vows, watched by your loved ones, it will still feel special, fresh and yes, real.
Holding your Humanist ceremony alongside your legal wedding
Unfortunately, registrars often don’t really like to work alongside Humanist celebrants. They prefer to have a distinct gap between the two ceremonies, so if you plan on doing your legal ceremony and your Humanist ceremony on the same day, do ask your registrar how they want to play this. In previous ceremonies I have led, the Humanist ceremony was the central focus of the wedding day. Afterwards, while guests enjoyed drinks and canapes outside, the couple sneaked back to the ceremony room and completed their legal marriage paperwork with the registrar, just watched by a couple of witnesses. Few guests knew this was happening and the venue staff colluded with them, pretending the couple had some last minute payments to make!
In theory you could do one ceremony, have a break and then do the other but I think this would be a bit odd for guests, and lead to a drawn out day with no clear focus. Until Humanist weddings are legalised in England and Wales, I would recommend doing your legal marriage a few days before your wedding and treating yourselves to a nice lunch - before getting on with your preparations for your REAL wedding day!
Don’t let boring bureaucracy hold you back from having the wedding you want - if you’re stuck, drop me a line at rachael.bowers@humanistceremonies.org.uk !
